Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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