:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
