I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
