My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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