I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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