youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
