I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
