He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
