Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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