so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
