My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
