i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This is the high leading the old right now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
