I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've blown a few things in my day
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
