I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
