There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
