Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
