he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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