At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
