Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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