Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
