Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
