Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Randomize
