she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
