I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
