did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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