i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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