White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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