I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
