I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
