it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
