I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
