I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
