So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
