Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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