Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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