i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
