Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
