After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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