Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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