even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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