Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
