Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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