At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
