Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
