I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think I died a long time ago.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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