well I can't set my house on fire every night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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