Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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