Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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