let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
