You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
